Beating Hearts
by jacqsom
Summary: Set on the night of the leaked scenes of 5x3. Chapter one is from Holly's perspective/inner dialogue on her background story in light of comments made by Lisa. Chapter two will be Gail's perspective/inner dialogue. Chapter 3 and onwards will be their ongoing story together...
1. Chapter 1

OMG, how did I get here? It only seems like yesterday that I met Gail in the woods at the crime scene on that fateful day and finally felt alive again and all it took was for her to call me Lunchbox and to see those deep blue eyes looking straight into mine.

It was the day my heart started to beat again in more than 6 years. Now I would give my soul to hear her call me anything? Of course over these last couple of months she has gone from calling me lunchbox to weird to nerd to Babe but right about now I am sure there are other names she would like to call me. I like Babe, especially the way she says it, it always makes me smile, she makes me smile. OMG, what am I going to do, I can't have lost her, I want her, no, I need her. I am sitting in a park opposite my apartment in the middle of the night overlooking a set of empty swings when I realise that even though Gail's friends and family see her as broken to me she is whole for it is me who is the broken one.

(6 years earlier)

I met up with Emily after my final mid-term at our favourite coffee shop and I promptly ordered us both a hot chocolate with marshmallows. We had been seeing each other for 3 years now and we were going to go away to celebrate our anniversary.

The day I met Emily was so magical that I still smile at the images flashing through my mind. It was a relatively warm day considering we were in the middle of winter. I had just ordered a hot chocolate to go and as the waitress handed me my cup, I thanked her and spun around right into this beautiful woman with these devastating green eyes that went with her flaming long red hair. Before I could even help it, the hot chocolate was all down her front. Me being the socially inept nerd that I am without thinking grabbed the napkins and started to mop up the stain from her blouse while apologizing to her profusely. She just looks at me and then down to her top while I continue to attempt to clean her up and then back at me with a wry smile. She simply says "if you are going to play with my chest, do you think we should at least get to know each other first?" she stops me in my tracks by taking my hand and says "hi, I am Emily and I would love a hot chocolate but this time to drink, will you join me?"

After our drink together we became inseparable. Emily was studying to become a lawyer and was also at the top of her class. Between our studies we would spend all of our time together, no matter our hectic studying schedules we found quality time. We were both huge into health and fitness and any chance we got we would go do activities together including hiking and running. Emily was also the captain of her college softball team. I sometimes would go sit in the stand and watch her practice for hours while studying away. I am not sure how much I really learnt as I used to just love watching her. It was Emily who taught me how to hit a softball.

It didn't take us long before we both knew that we not only loved each other but that we were in love. I had never experienced anything like that before and the more I got to know her the more I felt myself falling.

Emily was my world and then it all fell apart. I still see it in slow motion, one minute we are talking about our day, what we need to pack for the weekend away, what we will get up to and then all of a sudden Emily stops talking and looks at me with scared eyes, her face is turning grey and then she grabs her chest and then she collapses onto the floor.

I take her pulse, there isn't one? Panic sets in, I start CPR while someone calls 911, it doesn't take long for the paramedics to arrive, and they pull me off her and start the compressions while bagging her. I can hear the sound of my chest beating while I also hear the defibrillator charging up...CLEAR, nothing. They go again CLEAR and still nothing. By this time I am holding my breath rocking myself and praying. CLEAR. My head is spinning, how is this happening, why is this happening, OMG breath Emily come back to me, I love you darling. The paramedics continue to work on her all the way to the hospital. It is at the hospital that my world turns black, when I hear the doctor say Time of Death 5:34pm.

No, no, no, this can't be happening, I fall to the ground on my knees. A nurse comes over and says do you have anyone you can call? My parents had died in a car accident a few years prior, all I have are Lisa and Rachel but they went home to Vancouver straight after our test. The only people to call were Emily's parents.

Tom and Audrey arrived about an hour later and all they wanted to know was what happened. Her mother is crying while I told her all I knew. Her father summons a doctor who said that due to the suddenness they would perform an autopsy to determine the cause of death, but at this stage it is down as Heart Failure.

While her father goes with the doctor to fill in paperwork a nurse comes over to Audrey and hands Emily's belongings to her. It is at that moment I can see her mother opening up a ring box, she closes her eyes and with a deep breath comes over to me and hugs me tightly. She hands me the ring and says I believe this is meant for you; you girls would have made stunning brides.

The autopsy report came back 2 days later and it simply just stated Heart Failure but no other contributing factors could be found. Toxicology report negative, in fact everything came back as negative. Still to this day it has not given me closure especially knowing how fit Emily was, her boundless energy and now it is all gone. When she died my heart died along with her. It was also in that moment I decided what I wanted to do with my medical degree. I had to help give closure to grieving families, it was my gift to Emily...in a way it would be a legacy to the love of my life.

By the time my friends returned from their break I had already thrown myself further and further into my studies. I never fully went into details of Emily's death with them as there wasn't any. They saw me mourn her, become withdrawn. Sure I still had fun with them, I tried to put a mask on and act like I was all together.

Over the next six years I become good at hiding myself. I went on dates but it would never go anywhere. Sometimes I would go back to their place, never to mine. If it even looked remotely like I could fall for them I was gone, I walked away as fast as I could until the day I walked into her crime scene.

(Present day)

After our first day at the morgue I knew I was smitten with Gail, but I went back into my hole until she called me out of the blue, gave me sass, made me laugh, made me smile and then asked me to be her plus one, as long as I promised to behave myself. I wanted to say no, I needed to say no but I simply answered I would love to be your Plus One. That kiss at the wedding had scared me, I didn't even think about it, it was so natural until I could feel her lips on mine, I had to get out of there but after that night I knew there was no going back, I was falling for Gail. It was like my heart was being given a second chance at love.

I am staring at the swings still sobbing with tears as I recall my memories when I feel an arm on my shoulder. I look around and find Gail looking concerned down at me, I jump up and hold onto her like there is no tomorrow and continue to cry into her shoulder. As my crying starts to subside, Gail pulls me ever slightly back while still holding onto me. She wipes the tears that are falling onto my cheeks and then leans in and gives me a loving kiss on my lips.

As she pulls back I find the courage to say, Gail, Honey there is something I have to tell you, I need to tell you my story...


	2. Chapter 2

I roll my eyes, grab my jacket and simply walk out of the bar away from Holly and the pain of her friend's words that comes over me. Despite Holly calling out my name, I can't go back ever.

It isn't long until I am walking away down the street as fast as humanly possible. My head is screaming at me. Fuck, I can't believe I let her play me like that, come on really, she's good. Had me fooled. Does she even get off on turning straight chicks with that bloody lopsided smile, oh that smile, damn that smile! God, how dumb am I? She's probably got another round of drinks to celebrate her success of getting away from broken Gail. Probably had this planned with Lisa the whole time.

I decide then to go to Fight Night as Ollie had been badgering me all week to go, free drinks all night, yeah I'm so there! Forget about Holly, who needs her anyway!

I have to admit that the night wasn't all too bad; I mean I actually had fun hanging out with my friends and drinking. Watching Nick get belted in the ring was definitely the highlight. However I found myself still lost on thoughts of Holly. I have been hurt before but this pain has a greater intensity, it feels like something in me has died.

I bid my farewells and head outside to go back to my place where I plan to lay under the blankets on my bed and never come back out...note to self, must get a stock of cheese puffs on the way home. Shit, crap, fricken hell, my bag with my keys are at Holly's! Fuck! I stand there for what seems like an eternity trying to figure out what to do. Dov has gone back to Chloe's and god knows what chick Chris has picked up and there is no way I am going to Peck Mansion for the night.

Only one thing to do, go to Holly's get my bag and things and get the hell out of there for good.

As I walk the hour to Holly's apartment, I am consumed by flashbacks of all the times I have spent with Holly including our texts, our emails, and our late night phone calls. I don't get it, why didn't I see that it was just a game to her. Someone who comes and has their fun and then just leaves. I saw it with both Chris and Nick that they would get sick of the complications and just leave, that's why I never let them see the loving, caring, uncomplicated Gail. But I showed that to Holly, and in the end it still all came crashing down around me.

So what's the point in any of this? No matter who I fall for, I am just going to get hurt and they are going to leave me. It's not that I thought it would be different with a female, it was never about that. I simply fell for Holly in a big way and I allowed myself to finally show another human the inner workings of one Gail Peck. I let her in, I don't let anyone in. I allowed her to see me when I was most vulnerable, she got to see the real me and then she just pisses on me. Well Fuck her.

The closer I get to Holly's I can feel my chest tighten at the thought of seeing her. Oh I plan to let her have it, how dare she break my heart. Oh my heart I have never felt like this, dammit, I was falling for her and falling fast. At this realisation I stop walking and fall to my knees and simply cry. The thought of never holding Holly in my arms again is breaking me, to feel her touch, to feel her warmth, to look into those eyes!

Despite my despair I pick myself up from the ground as I find myself now getting more angry at this evenings events; no matter what happened, I am not giving her the power to make me look the fool. I quicken my pace to Holly's, I just want to get this over with so I can get home and get in bed and forget this chapter of my life.

As I round the bend and get to the front stairs of her apartment I freeze. I can't do this, she will see that I have been crying and I don't want her to know that she succeeded in hurting me further than I ever thought possible.

I pull my phone out of my pocket, swallow my pride and dial Steve's number. It rings out the first time, I dial immediately again and this time he picks up after the 3rd ring. "Gail, what the hell are you calling at this time of the night?" I answer "Steve, can you come pick me up from Holly's please?", he simply says back "shit, this must be bad, you said please" I thank him and tell him that I will text him the address.

I look around wondering if Holly is even home as her entry light is still on. Pfft probably still out already starting on her next victim. I don't want to be standing here in case she comes home and sees me.

I head to the park across from the apartment when I notice that a person has already taken the main seat. Even through the darkness of the night, I can see that it is Holly. I would know her anywhere. Fuck, let's get this over with is all that is going through my head!

As I get closer, I can see her body language is one of complete hopelessness and she is crying uncontrollably...kind of the way I looked a couple of streets ago when I was down on the ground wanting this pain to go away. As I get nearer still, I can hear that she is talking out loud, despite myself I quietly inch closer to make out the words she is saying , through the sobs I can barely make out "OMG, what am I going to do, I can't have lost her, I want her, no, I need her".

I am taken aback to what I am seeing and hearing, my heart is literally breaking even further. I take a step backyards and stand behind the big oak tree as I don't want her to see me. I don't understand as to why she is so upset, it is me who should be after all, she said it after all "she's only having fun".

It is now seeing this that I take the time to replay the whole conversation between Holly and Lisa.

Lisa: yeah, well you were right, she is gorgeous, still not going to last

Holly: I think it is time to cut you off

Lisa: Holly, you are a doctor and Gail she's lovely and yeah she's fun, but sweetie she's a beat cop

Holly: So

Lisa: So, you are out of your league

Holly: Oh

Lisa: Look I get it; you want something that's uncomplicated and simple

Holly: I'm having fun, don't worry about it

Lisa: Ok, well, have your fun but I mean get out before she gets hurt

Holly: No one is going to get hurt

Lisa: Well, we'll see

I stop and just concentrate on Holly's words instead of Lisa's. "I think it is time to cut you off","So", "Oh", "I'm having fun, don't worry about it", "No one is going to get hurt". With all of my training I finally see that Holly isn't agreeing with Lisa, she is avoiding her, the act of avoidance as we learnt in the Academy for when a suspect was not being co-operative. One of the more common reasons people avoid is simply to not want to deal with deep down issues!

Does Holly have issues that she hasn't shared with me? Are they about me, or are they about something from her past. I thought it was odd the way Lisa said that she understood that Holly wants something uncomplicated and simple. Well that isn't me, God knows I am the most complicated person I have ever met and I am definitely not simple...but why would Lisa think that is what Holly needs? And she wasn't worried about me hurting Holly; she was worried about Holly hurting me...from a friend that is odd, very odd.

As I ponder the whole conversation again, I start to intertwine my memories with Holly. The way she was all worried when Kevin Ford was shooting at us and came to the station. Holly was scared about me being hurt; she was there at the hospital and later when I freaked out and cut my hair. She is always there for me; I am not just someone she is having fun with. It is more.

I look around the tree back to Holly to find that she is rocking herself while still sobbing. I quickly come to the resolve that I need to be there for her, that whatever this is, this time I need to be the one to hold her hand.

I quickly send a text to Steve to not come; I know he will be angry so I add in the promise of buying his first couple of rounds the next time we are at the Penny.

With a deep breath, I slowly walk over to Holly, but with each step I am finding it harder and harder to breathe, she is still sobbing so she doesn't hear me. I look down at her; my hands are shaking as I place my arm on her shoulder. With a startled look upon her beautiful brown eyes, it is only a second before we are holding tightly onto each other. She continues to sob into my shoulder, only when I can feel her calming I pull her back so I can see face, I wipe her tears and place a gentle kiss on her lips, the sort of kiss that tells you that I am here and I will never leave you.

As I pull back to see her face again, Holly says "Honey, there is something I have to tell you, I need to tell you my story". I kiss her lips again and then take her hands into mine and simply say "of course Babe, of course".


	3. Chapter 3

We walk the short distance to Holly's apartment hand in hand. I am so not ready to lose this physical contact with her just yet. As we get inside, I settle her on her couch by wrapping a throw blanket around her while rubbing my hands along her arms to warm her up. As she settles further into the couch I go to the kitchen to make us both a cup of tea. As I hand Holly her tea, I place a reassuring kiss on her lips and sit next to her, holding my own cup in one hand and with my other hand I place it on Holly's leg as she is cradling her tea with both hands.

Holly sips on her tea and settles her nerves and with a sharp intake of breath begins to tell Gail all about Emily.

After she has finished telling Gail her story, Gail looks in her eyes and says "Holly, Losing someone you love in front of you is hard, I know as watching Jerry get murdered broke me, but losing someone you are deeply in love with and knowing that despite your efforts you couldn't do anything must have surely been devastating. Emily would have been proud of who you have become; as you Holly are the most beautiful, caring, supportive and loving person I have ever met. The day we met and everything that happened after just confirms to me that love at first sight exists...yes yes I know corny but true". Even though she elbows me somewhat playfully in my ribs I continue "You don't have to be the strong one all the time, I am here and I will catch you every time and hold you for as long as you want or need me to. Lean on me, trust me to be here as now that I have found you I am never letting go of you."

Holly hugs Gail again and says "Thank you" she pauses to gather her thoughts and starts again "Thank you for being here for me tonight, I know it was an emotional night and when I thought I had lost you I didn't know if I would ever be able to stand again, thank you for giving me the opportunity to tell you my story".

Gail gives her a kiss on the lips and as she holds the embrace tighter, says "Thank you for telling me your story, thank you for opening up to me, thank you for letting me in your world".

Holly is still sitting on the couch looking physically and emotionally drained. Even though Gail wants to ask about Holly's Parent's death, she knows that will be for another day as it has been an emotional day as it is.

Gail stands up and takes the now empty tea cups to the kitchen and then comes back and takes Holly's hands in hers and pulls her up into a deep embrace. They stand there holding each other for a long time before Holly leads her to the bedroom. Without saying a word, Gail gets out pyjamas for the both of them and they get changed in quiet.

In bed later, Gail is watching Holly while she lay there sleeping, she finally looks peaceful. It didn't take her long to fall asleep while they were holding each other in a loving embrace. As Gail lays there still awake she recalls what Chris said when Kevin Ford was hunting 15 down, "When it's dark, you can see the stars" after tonight she knows more than ever what she wants and that is Holly and everything that it offers.

Gail is now spooning Holly and even though she knows she is fast asleep, she leans in and whispers in Holly's ear, "I love you" before placing a gentle kiss on her cheek. It doesn't take long then for Gail to fall asleep.

Gail wakes early and as she doesn't want to disturb Holly, she stays in bed and plays on her cell phone. Eventually after running out of lives on Candy Crush and starts to tire of Star Wars Angry Birds, she starts flicking through the pictures on her phone when all of a sudden she gets out of bed, still careful so Holly won't be woken, gets dressed as fast as she can and leaves the bedroom and Holly's apartment.

It is about an hour later that Gail comes back and still finds Holly sleeping, probably from emotional exhaustion...it has been a long 12 hours. Carefully she places a present for Holly on her bed side table and goes down to the kitchen to make coffee and breakfast for both her and Holly.

It's not long after that Holly starts to stir and doesn't find Gail in bed with her. At first she is concerned that maybe Gail has changed her mind but it doesn't take long for her to smell the scent of freshly brewed coffee that is lingering in the air. Holly smiles, and rolls over and in an instant recognises the new addition in her room next to her bed.

It is a picture frame that has the words 'Hope, Love and Happiness' and inside the frame is a picture of them together at Frank and Noelle's wedding. They are pulling cute faces at each other and looking so happy to be in each other's company. Stuck to the frame is a yellow Sticky Note, which says "That night changed me forever, I love you Nerd".

Holly turns around to face the bedroom door as she can hear Gail coming up the stairs, as Gail enters the room with a tray carrying the breakfast and coffee, she looks at Gail and with a lopsided smile says "I love it, and Gail, Honey I am so falling in love with you" while holding the picture frame in her hands.

With that Gail places the tray that is in her hands down and jumps onto the bed to pull Holly into a deep embrace, a tear of happiness falls down her cheek as for the first time in her life she knows where she finally belongs. Gail knows that when she is in Holly's arms that she is home.

After awhile Gail pulls away from the embrace and looks at Holly with a cheeky smile and proudly informs her that she has made them both breakfast. Excitedly and impressed Holly enquires as to what she has made. Gail gets off the bed and hands her first the coffee and then hands Holly a bowl of Bircher Muesli with fresh tropical fruit. As Gail gets her own bowl and settles in the bed, Holly can see that Gail's breakfast is a bowl of cheese puffs! "Cheese Puffs Gail, OMG you really are insane, you know that right?"


	4. Chapter 4

After the awesome breakfast in bed that Gail made, they both sat in bed cuddling while they were discussing their plans for the next couple of days; for as luck would have it they both had the next couple of days off before they had to go back to work.

After cuddling and making out a little they decided they should get out of bed for the day, as Holly needed to get some groceries for the house and Gail would go home and get some clothes before meeting back at the apartment at lunch time to spend some quality time together getting to know each other better.

Holly goes down to the kitchen to clean up the breakfast dishes while she sends Gail for a shower to get rid of all the cheese puff powder that she got all over herself. As Holly was wiping up the last dish and was about to put it away she hears a knock on the front door. She wipes her hands, puts the drying cloth away and heads to the front door.

Even before she opened it she could tell it was Lisa through the lead lighting as she stood on her front landing. Instead of letting Lisa in, she just stands by the now opened door and says, "I don't think it is a good idea that you are here!"

"Look, I know things didn't go well for you last night, I could tell when I saw your face as you watched Gail walk out on you. I just want you to know that I am here for you" responded Lisa making sure she highlighted the fact that Gail walking had nothing to do with what Lisa had said that previous night.

"You want to be here for me even though you put my girlfriend down and made out that she was beneath me?" Holly retorted shaking her head at disbelieve back at Lisa.

"Your girlfriend?" came back the response in a surprised disbelief.

Gail was coming down the stairs as she decided that she would go make another coffee before having her shower. As she is coming down the stairs, she can hear strained voices and the conversation that was taking place at the front door. She stops in her tracks and listens a little longer unsure as to whether to keep going to the kitchen, go slam the door in Lisa's face or to go back upstairs.

"Yes, my girlfriend, do you have a problem with that?" Holly is now starting to get defensive.

"Frankly yes I do, she's not worthy of being your girlfriend. Seriously Holly you can do so much better, you deserve someone who is on your level, someone who has even the potential to be more than just a cop, someone that can take care of you like you should be taken care of, someone that is always there for you, someone like me!"

Gail is still on the stairs; her blood is starting to boil at the audacity of even suggesting that Holly would be better off with Lisa. She is about to take a step forward when she stops herself as she knows that she should trust Holly. Even though she has trouble with trust from past relationships she also knows that if she wants to be with Holly, she has to at least learn to put her faith in her to handle this.

"What someone like you?" came the sharp reply from Holly, "you have to be kidding me?"

"Well yes Holly, I have always loved you. I don't know why this is really coming as a shock to you, since our college days I have liked you, there has always been something there between us. I am the one that can give you everything you need and deserve. I can buy you houses, expensive cars, jewellery, take you on overseas holidays. You would make the perfect wife; you have always been my end game"

"No, what you love Lisa is yourself and your opinions. You don't know how to love someone unless you control them" Holly is now getting even angrier at Lisa's confession as she continues "If you even loved me even slightly you would understand why I am a Forensic Pathologist and that I don't need material items, but you are too self absorbed and further more what you also don't understand is that I not only love Gail, I am in love with her; Gail brought me back to life after Emily. She is not just a beat cop as you call it; she puts her life on the line everyday to protect people like you and me. Even though it scares me, it actually scares me more to not have her in my life; she is the bravest person I have ever met, supportive, loyal, slightly insane, sassy and yes beautiful. But it is her beautiful big heart that you don't see as it is reserved for me that is most endearing" Holly pauses for a brief moment before adding, "Gail, is MY end game"

Lisa looks at Holly in disbelief but it doesn't take her long to make another snide remark "And if that were true Holly, she would be here for you right now but no she left you standing there last night at the bar, she walked out on you, she is probably in a gutter somewhere hung-over. She will never be here for you; you will never be able to rely on her!"

Gail has now listened to enough and hearing that her girlfriend thinks she is not just worthy of being girlfriend material, but believes she Gail Peck is actually end game; she smiles to herself and with a new vigour, she now walks down the rest of the stairs and walks up to Holly at the door and wraps her arms tightly around her waist and gives her a quick chaste kiss. "I'm going to make more coffee, would you like one Babe?" Gail then looks at Lisa with her trade mark 'you are such a bitch' look and simply but effectively closes the front door in Lisa's now wide eyed, opened mouthed face.

Holly grabs Gail by the waist and draws her in closer. Gail notices that Holly is trembling and asks, "Baby, are you ok?"

She leans her forehead against Gail's and says "Hey " and smiles at her girlfriend and then adds "Hon, how much of that did you hear?"

"Enough to know how lucky I am" the blonde responds back in a soft loving tone.

"No, it is me who is lucky to have found someone like you?" Gail looks at Holly and licks her lips, and with a deep sighing breath in tilts her head slightly to the right and kisses her girlfriend.

The kiss starts off tender but soon becomes very heated. This kiss lets out all of the emotions of last night and welcomes in this new day, this new future that that is filled with so much promise that is now ahead of them.

When their now swollen lips part Gail looks at her with complete lust and wanting, and can see the same look radiating from her girlfriend. Without a second thought she grabs her by the hand and even though she is still breathless from the kiss, she moistens her lips with her tongue and bites her bottom lip before saying, "Fuck the coffee" and leads Holly back upstairs without saying another word.


End file.
